we adopted a cat?

october 30, 2025

before i begin this entry, i want like to clarify that i'm a bit... odd about pets in general. unfortunately, all the pets i've owned have passed away unexpectedly, which has left me with some trauma. having a cat with leukemia (ferdinando) and losing one (lua) to this terrible illness makes me constantly anxious about their health, and my worries often feel worse than reality. my feelings and thoughts are quite complicated and not fully explored, making it challenging to express them clearly to anyone reading this. however, i hope you can understand some of my emotions from this brief introduction and not judge my unusual reactions too harshly regarding the sudden situation.

last week, my mom called unexpectedly and asked me to answer her on whatsapp, which made me quite anxious since she usually doesn't call me beforehand. i was like who tf died. then:

there was a tiny kitten besides her workplace, and it was almost dying. i suggested we take it to the vet and figure things out afterward. later that day, during my therapy session, i cried the entire time because of this cat. i hadn't even seen it YET, and i was devastated, overthinking and feeling utterly sad for no logical reason.

my brain created the worst possible scenarios to humankind, and i spiraled into thoughts about lua and how i didn't want to adopt any pet because i didn't want to go through the pain of losing it again. Yeahhhhhhhh. I'm Not Normal About Pets. the 50 minutes were tough, but i felt slightly better by the end of the session and managed to stop crying before my mom arrived with the Creature™

when my mom arrived, i could see in her eyes how much she wanted to keep this baby, and i didn't have the strength to contradict her, even though my mind was a jumble of confused emotions. she was so so worried and this kitten was so small and fragile and dying. after 20 minutes, she won me over in that cold room, and i decided to name her Filó - short for Filomena, so it would match fred's and fefe's name. my family and i are cheesy like that!!!!!

filó wasn't in that rough shape after all. she was just extremely hungry and had fleas (and fleas poop. gross) all over her. after getting warm and eating, she turned into a typical little kitten: ugly but cute. when we got home, my dad wasn't keen on the idea, but as i write this, he has already fallen in love. it's hard not to, honestly.

this week i had to pet sit some of friend's pets and couldn't be home to help my family take care of filó, so naturally, my brain decided to be cruel and repeat throughout the days that filó wouldn't remember me and, worse, not care for me. isn't it funny how our minds works? that doesn't even make sense. i should be grateful she's healthy and doing well, why am i overthing this?

so, long story short: we are keeping her, apparently. we still don't know if she has felv (there's always a chance, since she was a stray), so she hasn't had any direct contact with fefe. if she's healthy, she will need to take a shot to try to prevent getting it from him, but it's not 100% effective (and guess: that has made me spiral too!). she could get sick or be perfectly healthy even with fefe around. if, if, if. the uncertainty kills me because this illness has caused so much pain for me and my family, and i also don't think it's fair to let her get sick just because we are greedy for wanting her. it's confusing.

anyways, she is adorable! she's in that awkward kitten phase where they are mostly eyes and ears and are so fucking ugly that it's cute. strangely, she's a mix of fefe and lua - and that's a horrifying thought. she is just a perfect little frajola, in our honor.

i hope she likes me. but am i trying to compare her with nega? lua? do i want her to like me the way they did? sigh. it's way too early to overthink, honestly.

nevertheless, welcome, filó!! we will do our best to take care of you. i hope you get healthy and prettier, because you are a bit weird right now.

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